The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

Most of us hate asking for favors. We worry about being a burden, coming across as needy, or facing rejection for asking too much. But what if our fear of bothering people is stopping us, and the people around us, from becoming happier?
Dr. Laurie explores why our instincts about asking for help are usually wrong. She speaks with psychologist Nicholas Epley about why asking others for help can actually make them like us more. And author and entrepreneur Jia Jiang shares how 100 days of asking for outlandish favors totally transformed his life.
Experts Mentioned:
Nicholas Epley, Professor of Behavioral Science at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business
Jia Jiang, author, entrepreneur, and expert in “rejection therapy”
Resources Mentioned:
Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection, by Jia Jiang (2015)
“What I Learned from 100 Days of Rejection,” by Jia Jiang (TED, 2016)
“100 Days of Rejection Therapy,” by Jia Jiang (YouTube series, 2013)
RejectionTherapy.com
“Surprisingly Happy to Have Helped: Underestimating Prosociality Creates a Misplaced Barrier to Asking for Help,” by Xuan Zhao and Nicholas Epley (Psychological Science, 2022)
“Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability,” by Anna Bruk, Sabine Scholl, and Herbert Bless (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2018)
Related Episodes:
“Treating the Pain of a Broken Heart”
“Forget Small Talk: Go Deep Instead”
“The Surprising Case for Oversharing”
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In recent years, we've heard a lot of unsettling news about the loneliness epidemic and the dangers of social isolation. But could all this talk about loneliness paradoxically be making the problem... worse?
Dr. Laurie unpacks what we get wrong about loneliness. Along the way, she speaks with historian Fay Bound-Alberti about why loneliness, as we think of it today, is a surprisingly modern phenomenon. Psychologist Micaela Rodriguez explains why we often confuse loneliness with being alone — and why learning to enjoy solitude can actually make us less lonely. And writer Emma Gannon shares practical tips for embracing the joy of your own company.
Laurie discovers why spending time alone is a skill, and how getting better at it can help us regulate our emotions, spark creativity, and strengthen our connections with others.
Experts Mentioned:
Vivek Murthy, 19th and 21st Surgeon General of the United States
Fay Bound-Alberti, Professor of Modern History at King’s College London
Micaela Rodriguez, Assistant Professor of Psychology at Yale University
Emma Gannon, author, blogger, and podcaster
Matthew Killingsworth, Senior Fellow at The Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania
Timothy Wilson, Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Virginia
Scott Campbell, Professor of Mediated Communication at The Ohio State University
Julia Cameron, author, poet, songwriter, filmmaker, and playwright
Blaise Pascal, 17th-century French philosopher
Resources Mentioned:
“Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community,” by Office of the Surgeon General (2023)
“Social connection linked to improved health and reduced risk of early death,” by World Health Organization Media Team (2025)
A Biography of Loneliness: The History of an Emotion, by Fay Bound-Alberti (2019)
“Just think: The challenges of the disengaged mind,” by Timothy Wilson, David Reinhard, Erin Westgate, Daniel Gilbert, Nicole Ellerbeck, Cheryl Hahn, Casey Brown, and Adi Shaked (Science, 2014)
“How people think about being alone shapes their experience of loneliness,” by Micaela Rodriguez, Kathryn E. Schertz, and Ethan Kross (Nature Communications, 2025)
“From ‘isolation’ to ‘me-time’: Linguistic shifts enhance solitary experiences,” by Micaela Rodriguez and Scott Campbell (Cognition and Emotion, 2025)
“Solitude can be good—If you see it as such: Reappraisal helps lonely people experience solitude more positively,” by Micaela Rodriguez, Samuel Pratt, Benjamin W. Bellet, and Richard J. McNally (Journal of Personality, 2023)
A Creative Compass: Finding Your Way to a Creative Life, by Emma Gannon (2026)
“A love letter to solitude,” by Emma Gannon (The Hyphen, 2025)
“‘Don’t you have friends to go with?’: the stigma and joy of a table for one,” by Emma Gannon (The Guardian, 2026)
The Artist’s Way, by Julia Cameron (1992)
Related Episodes:
“Beat Your Isolation Loneliness”
“Fighting that "Meh" Feeling of Languishing”
“Emotions Are Data…So Listen to Them”
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What would it take to make you happier? A raise? A promotion? Getting into your dream school? Winning the lottery? It turns out that we’re surprisingly bad at predicting how these events will actually make us feel. When they do make us happier, research shows that the highs won’t last as long as we expect. The good news is that the lows won't last as long as we expect either. We're just as bad at predicting how life's setbacks will affect us.
Dr. Laurie speaks with Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert about why our minds exaggerate the emotional impact of life’s biggest events. She also hears from psychotherapist Clay Cockrell about why extreme wealth often comes with misery, and from writer Rafaella Gunz and Army veteran J.R. Martinez about their journeys toward happiness and meaning after experiences they once thought would ruin their lives.
Experts Mentioned:
Daniel Gilbert, Professor of Psychology at Harvard University
Clay Cockrell, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Psychotherapist
Daniel Kahneman, Professor of Psychology, Emeritus, and Professor of Psychology and Public Affairs, Emeritus at Princeton University
Angus Deaton, Professor of International Affairs, Emeritus, and Professor of Economics and International Affairs, Emeritus at Princeton University
Matthew Killingsworth, Senior Fellow at The Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania
Rafaella Gunz, writer and social worker
J.R. Martinez, Army veteran, actor, author, and podcast host
Resources Mentioned:
“Billie Bob’s (Mis) Fortune,” by Steve McViker (Houston Press, 2000)
“The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want,” by Sonja Lyubomirsky (2007)
“High income improves evaluation of life but not emotional well-being,” by Daniel Kahneman and Angus Deaton (Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 2010)
“Experienced well-being rises with income, even above $75,000 per year,” by Matthew Killingsworth (Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 2023)
“Income and emotional well-being: a conflict resolved,” by Matthew Killingsworth, Daniel Kahneman, and Barbara Mellers (Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 2023)
Stumbling on Happiness, by Daniel Gilbert (2006)
“Immune neglect: a source of durability bias in affective forecasting,” by Daniel Gilbert, Elizabeth Pinel, Timothy Wilson, Stephen Blumberg, and Thalia Wheatley (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1998)
“Affective forecasting: Why can't people predict their emotions?,” by Peter Ayton, Alice Pott, and Najat Elwakili (Thinking & Reasoning, 2007)
“Anticipated versus actual reaction to HIV test results,” by Elaine Sieff, Robyn Dawes, and George Lowenstein (The American Journal of Psychology, 1999)
Well-Being: Foundations of Hedonic Psychology, by Daniel Kahneman, Edward Diener, and Norbert Schwartz (1999)
“Getting Herpes Was a Gift,” by Rafaella Gunz (Ravishly, 2016)
“The impact bias is alive and well,” by Timothy Wilson and Daniel Gilbert (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2013)
Full of Heart: My Story of Survival, Strength, and Spirit, by J.R. Martinez with Alexandra Rockey Fleming (2012)
Related Episodes:
“Why We Sabotage Our Future Selves”
“Why the ‘Good Enough’ Relationship Beats the ‘Perfect Partner’”
“Working Your Way to Happiness”
“Why Nostalgia Ain’t So Rosy”
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Men today are spending less time with friends, and many have no close friendships at all. Research shows that this lack of social connection can lead to serious long-term consequences for men's mental and physical health. The answer isn’t just more social interaction. Guys need something deeper: bromance.
Dr. Laurie speaks with actor, director, and author Andrew McCarthy about his book, Who Needs Friends: An Unscientific Examination of Male Friendship Across America, and what he learned after reconnecting with the men who shaped his life. She also talks with Harvard behavioral scientist Todd Rogers about why sports fandom can be a surprisingly powerful way for men to build deeper relationships.
Experts Mentioned:
Andrew McCarthy, actor, director, and author
Todd Rogers, Professor of Public Policy at Harvard Kennedy School
Julianne Holt-Lunstad, Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience and Director of the Social Connection & Health Lab at Brigham Young University
Michael Norton, Professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School
Sara Algoe, Professor of Psychology at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
Resources Mentioned:
Who Needs Friends: An Unscientific Examination of Male Friendship Across America, by Andrew McCarthy (2026)
The Fandom and Social Connection Initiative
Harvard Study of Adult Development
The Ritual Effect: The Transformative Power of Our Everyday Actions, by Michael Norton (2024)
“Positive Interpersonal Processes,” by Sara Algoe (Current Directions in Psychological Science, 2019)
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Most of us default to small talk. It's polite, familiar, and feels like the safest way to start a conversation. But it may also be one of the biggest barriers to genuine connection.
Dr. Laurie speaks with author and metal-health advocate Claire Eastham about her month-long experiment replacing small talk with deeper conversations while living with social anxiety. She also chats with psychologist Nicholas Epley about why going deeper often scares us, what research reveals about opening up, and what happens when you tell a stranger about the last time you cried.
Experts Mentioned:
Claire Eastham, author, blogger, and mental-health advocate
Nicholas Epley, Professor of Behavioral Science and Faculty Director of the Roman Family Center for Decision Research at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business
Arthur Aron, Professor of Psychology at the State University of New York at Stony Brook
Elaine Aron, psychologist and author
Resources Mentioned:
We're All Mad Here: The No-Nonsense Guide to Living with Social Anxiety, by Claire Eastham (2016)
A Little More Social: How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection, by Nicholas Epley (2026)
“The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings,” by Arthur Aron, Edward Melinat, Elaine Aron, Robert Darrin Vallone, and Renee Bator (Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 1997)
Related Episodes:
“The Surprising Case for Oversharing”
“Make Vulnerability Your Superpower (with NBA Star Kevin Love)”
“Harnessing People Around us to Feel Happier (Live with Ethan Kross)”
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