Adulting with Autism

Many autistic young adults are handed a confusing, media-driven version of sex and intimacy—then expected to "just know" their own bodies, boundaries, consent language, and relationship skills… often while navigating sensory differences and a lifetime of being misunderstood.
In this episode of Adulting With Autism, April sits down with Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers—retired professor, marriage & family therapist, sex therapist, and medical family therapist—about what autistic adults actually need to build safer, more satisfying intimacy: self-understanding, shame-free education, clear consent, and relationships rooted in trust rather than "shoulds."
This is a compassionate, practical conversation about sexual self-knowledge, healing sexual shame, and creating intimacy that works with neurodivergent bodies and nervous systems.
In this episode, you'll learn:
Why the starting point is you: understanding your sensory preferences around touch (what feels safe, desired, and consensual)
learning how to communicate what you like/don't like—and how to listen to a partner's needs
co-creating touch that works for both people (instead of guessing or performing)

How society "throws people to the wolves" on sexuality: kids (including autistic kids) often learn from media, not developmentally appropriate guidance
entertainment ≠ real-life sexual health or real intimacy

What sexual shame is—and how to recognize it shame forms when natural curiosity/behavior is met with anger, disgust, humiliation, or silence
the internal message becomes: "Something is fundamentally wrong with me."

Dr. Tina's research-based definition of sexual shame (2017): a visceral (body-based) feeling of humiliation/disgust toward one's body and identity as a sexual being
internalized beliefs of being abnormal, inferior, unworthy
harm to trust, communication, and emotional/physical intimacy
fear/uncertainty about your right to make safety decisions and express boundaries

Early signs shame may be "driving the bus": chronic self-criticism about your body, desires, or neurodivergence
apologizing for your needs, shrinking yourself, "slinking back"
feeling unsafe saying no—or feeling punished when you do

Dr. Tina's framework for healing sexual shame: MESS (Model for Erasing Sexual Shame) Frame: rebuild sex education (often from the ground up, by age/developmental stage)
Name: tell your story with safe people; reduce isolation and normalize what happened
Claim: claim your body as good; retrain "not enough" messaging from culture/consumerism
Aim: create a new legacy—live with more confidence, language, and self-respect

Sustaining intimacy "over the long haul" (including neurodivergent couples): long-term relationships require ongoing growth ("grow up, show up, shape up")
intimacy dies when partners stop feeling seen/considered and start running parallel lives

Navigating mismatched desire + sensory sensitivities without making it "I'm bad at relationships" separating orgasm/sexual release from intimacy and bonding
building a menu of connection options (touch/no touch, naked cuddling, tub time, one-way touch, etc.)
shifting the goal from "a script we must follow" to "we both feel more bonded and safe afterward"

Consent and boundary skill-building as a practice: giving yourself permission to like what you like and not like what you don't like
practicing language such as: "Thank you for the invitation, but no."

Community considerations: why communities that center explicit consent and boundaries can be safer for practicing communication
why "vanilla culture" often contains unspoken expectations and boundary violations

Family systems, divorce, and change: what matters most is being resourced—safe community, shared knowledge, and consistent support
preparing autistic adults for transitions with honest communication, scaffolding, and validation

One tiny step when you feel sexually shut down: start with self-acceptance and honest, non-performative communication (especially in partnerships)
releasing "shoulds" and building a support system that helps you critique harmful cultural scripts

Where to find Dr. Tina + resources:
Website: TinaShermerSellers.com
Instagram: @drtinashameless
Books: Sex, God, and the Conservative Church: Erasing Shame from Sexual Intimacy
Shameless Parenting: Everything You Need to Raise Shame-Free, Confident Kids and Heal Your Shame Too

If you can't afford the books: DM her—she offers promo codes for audio versions to help people access resources.

What if you're not "too much," not "lazy," not "a broken neurotypical"… but a perfectly valid autistic/ADHD creative?
In this episode of Adulting With Autism, April talks with Angie Dixon, author of The Leonardo Trait, who spent 20 years writing a book on "profound creativity"—then learned in her 50s that she's autistic (after an ADHD diagnosis in her 20s). That late diagnosis changed everything: the book, the meaning of her life story, and her relationship to masking, hustle culture, burnout, and multi‑passionate creativity.
This episode is for anyone who "collects passions like stray cats," swings between hyperfocus and shutdown, or has been pressured to "pick a lane."
In this episode, you'll learn:
Angie's diagnosis journey: ADHD diagnosis in her mid‑20s
autism diagnosis in her mid‑50s
realizing she'd been writing the "wrong book" for 18 years—because she didn't yet have the language for neurodivergent creativity

The "instruction manual vs warranty card" feeling: being the "weird kid," outsider dynamics, and learning to "perform being a person"
how masking can show up as overworking and chasing success (hustle as camouflage)

The reframe that changes everything: "I'm not a broken neurotypical person. I'm a perfect autistic person."
finding neurodivergent community and the relief of being understood (including sensory validation like a "two‑degree margin of comfort")

What the Leonardo Trait is: multi‑passionate creators who spiral through interests rather than moving in a straight line
why starting lots of things (and not finishing all of them) can be a feature—not a flaw
why Leonardo da Vinci is the model: big ideas, many starts, real output, non-linear life

Practical strategies for a multi‑passionate life that still pays bills: keep "maps" for future-you: notes on where you stopped and what comes next
project logs for materials/tools/details (so you can re-enter a project without friction)

Autistic burnout (not "typical burnout"): warning signs Angie ignored: exhaustion, loss of interest, pushing through 80-hour weeks
why autistic burnout can feel physiological and identity-shaking
recovery: rest + changing the conditions that caused it (not just "taking a weekend")
examples of "stepping down" work intensity to recover (role changes that reduce load)

Unmasking in real life (especially for younger adults): why "full feral rainbow unmasking" isn't always realistic or safe at 22
Angie's approach: unmask 5%—one small, repeatable change (like letting your humor show with one trusted person)

Non-linear productivity designed for autistic energy patterns: organizing tasks by low / medium / high energy (not just priority)
building momentum by starting with an "interest spark," then sliding into boring tasks
using timers/alarms in a way that fits your brain (and why Pomodoro doesn't work for everyone)

Angie's anti-hustle rules (realistic and disability-aware): delegate/pay for what drains you (when possible)
cap working hours and limit simultaneous big projects
some tasks can be deleted, not optimized (e.g., "I don't do social media")

Choosing projects: "Can I do it?" vs "Is it a YES?" Angie's filter: If someone else does it, would I be fine?
if yes, it's not your yes—save your energy for what you'd regret not doing

Restarting creativity after it was "beat out of you": return to what you loved in early childhood (kindergarten clues)
permission to choose forms that fit you now (e.g., abstract painting instead of "learn to draw first")

What Angie hopes happens after someone feels seen: take one action toward being more yourself—at home, in art, in community, or by naming your needs

Angie's "tool + challenge" for listeners:
Practical tool: find one small way to be more yourself where you are
"Feral rainbow" challenge: throw off one part of the mask that's choking you most—safely, intentionally, and on your timeline
Where to find Angie:
Website: ProfoundCreativity.com
The Leonardo Trait release date mentioned: January 27

Today's episode is personal.
My son just turned 24, and I'm reflecting on what success really looks like—especially for autistic and neurodivergent young adults.
After a difficult first semester filled with housing issues, stress, and academic setbacks, he found his footing. And now? He's on track to make the Dean's List.
But this episode isn't about grades.
It's about redefining success.
If you're:
struggling with school or life direction
feeling behind compared to others
transitioning into adulthood
raising an autistic young adult
This episode is for you.
We talk about:
why success is NOT comparison
what progress actually looks like in real life
why young adulthood now extends into your 30s
the pressure to "have it all together" by 25
and why taking your time is not failure
Success is not a timeline.
Success is what YOU define it to be.
If my son can rebuild after a difficult semester, advocate for himself, and keep going—you can too.
Happy 24th birthday, Z. I couldn't be more proud.
🎙️ Keep fierce. Keep focused. Keep adulting with autism.

"Trauma-informed" gets misunderstood fast—people assume it means sharing personal stories, crying at work, or lowering standards.
In this episode of Adulting With Autism, April talks with Jennifer, founder of The Expert Talk, a corporate training company that helps organizations build trauma-informed practices and cultures of belonging—the felt sense of belonging, not the kind that's just written on a wall.
This conversation is especially relevant for autistic/ADHD young adults entering the workforce who are trying to find (or create) environments that feel safe, predictable, and sustainable.
In this episode, you'll learn:
What "trauma-informed" actually means (and what it doesn't): it's not about telling your story at work
it's a lens: assume everyone has a story and lead with care, clarity, and respect

Why trauma isn't only "big events"—it's also nervous system responses to overwhelm, threat, and uncertainty
The core shift in mindset at work: from "What's wrong with this person?"
to "What might be happening for this person?"

What a regulated (safer) workplace tends to look like: predictability + transparency
clear communication
consistent follow-through
respect for boundaries
choice where possible
less masking to be accepted

"Trauma-organized" workplaces: how systems can trigger dysregulation even without "bad people"
Jennifer's hand model of the brain (a simple visual you can use anywhere): regulated state = access to executive functioning (communication, memory, decision-making)
dysregulated state = "flipped lid," operating from emotional survival responses

Why scripts and "best practices" fail when someone is dysregulated: you might agree to anything just to escape ("flight mode")
then forget what you agreed to because you couldn't process it in the moment

How autistic/ADHD strengths show up best when you feel safe: pattern recognition, deep focus, direct honesty
plus a practical concept: creating "islands of safety" within your sphere of influence

A message to leaders: being trauma-informed is not lowering standards it's having hard conversations with clarity
staying steady without making reactions personal
reducing power struggles that come from mutual dysregulation

Entrepreneurship + nervous system reality: why starting a business takes "audacity and delusion"
it takes longer, costs more, and requires learning you can't predict
the importance of mentors and entrepreneurial community to reduce shame and isolation

Self-care vs self-leadership: "bubble baths" = survival care (helps short-term)
real self-care = boundaries, energy management, and the "sacred pause" before reacting

How Jennifer catches old patterns (people-pleasing/overworking): frequent body/nervous system check-ins
noticing "my lid is flapping in the breeze"
taking 15–20 minutes to reset and communicating needs clearly

Reframing "too sensitive": sensitivity as data, not a defect
building safety through micro-boundaries (small, doable boundaries that retrain your nervous system)

Resources + where to find Jennifer:
Website: theexperttalk.com (two E's, two T's)
Free guides (including nervous system work at work)
"Language to Leave Behind" resource (phrases that don't land / don't build connection)
Blog + online courses (regulation, boundaries, conflict navigation, feedback)

"You can be your authentic self at work."
A lot of autistic young adults were told that—and then hit the real world: code-switching, tone policing, vague bias, and pressure to mask just to keep a paycheck.
In this episode of Adulting With Autism, April talks with Nadine Jones—attorney, former head of legal for a multi‑billion‑dollar corporation, consultant, and mom of a child on the spectrum—about what corporate America actually looks like for neurodivergent employees… and how to protect yourself while still building a life.
This is a practical, no-fluff conversation about safety, strategy, and what to do when inclusion exists on paper but not in practice.
In this episode, you'll learn:
Why Nadine believes corporate America isn't ready for the wave of neurodivergent talent (but will have to adapt)
The real question of "code-switching": should employees adapt—or should companies learn to accommodate?
How direct autistic communication gets misread as rude or insubordinate, and what leaders can do to distinguish style vs "poor fit" vs bias
Disclosure realities: why some people don't disclose (and what that means: being held to neurotypical standards)
how disclosure can create legal protection under the ADA once you're employed
why disclosure during applications can feel like a catch‑22

What "accommodations" can look like in real life: breaks, lighting, processing time, communication clarity, tools/tech supports
A story-based look at "quirky" coworkers (knitting to self-regulate, jumping into conversations) and how teams can learn to accommodate instead of judging
The family/community education gap (including cultural dynamics) and why "little" supports (yes, even dino nuggets) can prevent major meltdowns and increase belonging
How to spot workplace microaggressions: harsher tone toward you vs others
exclusion from meetings
only negative feedback / no praise
different standards depending on "who submits the work"

How to document discrimination so you have options: write it down immediately (contemporaneous notes carry more weight)
track dates, times, quotes, witnesses, patterns
why "but did you document it?" is the legal department's first question

A hard truth about HR: HR protects the organization, not you—how to think about HR strategically
What companies often get wrong about DEI: why DEI survives when it's tied to business outcomes and the bottom line
what happens when it's treated as a "checkbox" or only as social good

Practical guidance for the "paycheck vs safety" dilemma: how to quietly job search
how to reset your nervous system on weekends
when to choose peace over the paycheck
severance/COBRA considerations and creating a buffer when you can

Connect with Nadine:
LinkedIn: Nadine Jones / General Counsel Support Services
Email: [email protected] (no "s" on service)
IG/TikTok: GC Support Insights (handle may appear as @gcsupportinsights)
Facebook: General Counsel Support Services
If you're entering the workforce and you want both dignity and stability, this episode gives you language, legal reality, and next steps.