Adulting with Autism

If you've done the books, the podcasts, the "talk therapy," and you still feel stuck—this episode of Adulting With Autism digs into why that can happen and what to try next.
April sits down with Maggie McCane, LCSW, a trauma psychotherapist and owner of Rehoboth Therapy and Wellness in Tucson, Arizona. Maggie shares why she built a practice outside the limitations of insurance-driven care, and why her clinic emphasizes trauma treatment, EMDR, and intensive therapy sessions (often 2–4 hours) for people who want deeper healing work than the standard 50-minute model allows.
A major focus is making trauma language more accessible—especially the difference between Big T trauma (events most people recognize, like assault, accidents, war) and little t trauma: experiences that can change how you view yourself or the world, especially when they happen before the brain is fully developed (Maggie references the commonly cited "around age 25" benchmark). She explains how someone can say "I had a good childhood" and still carry core beliefs like "I'm not good enough," "I'm not lovable," or "I'm not worthy" because the brain can misinterpret experiences during development.
They also explore trauma through a neurodivergent lens: years of masking, bullying, and chronic criticism can show up as trauma responses (social anxiety, depression, isolation) even when there wasn't one single "big" event.
Maggie breaks down EMDR in plain language (bilateral stimulation like pulsators or a light bar), why body-based approaches matter, and how learning your adult nervous system can help you recognize and respond to triggers with more control and compassion. They cover the trauma responses fight, flight, freeze, and fawn—including how "flight" can look like dissociation, and "fawn" can look like people-pleasing.
Finally, Maggie gives practical guidance for finding a trauma therapist: what to ask in a free consultation, what credentials to look for (e.g., EMDR training/certification), and the biggest green flag of all—a collaborative therapist who treats you as the expert of your own life.
In this episode, you'll hear:
Why Maggie founded Rehoboth Therapy and Wellness and what makes it different
Big T vs little t trauma (and why little t matters)
How childhood wiring can create adult core beliefs: "not good enough / not lovable / not worthy"
Autism/ADHD masking + bullying through a trauma lens
What EMDR is (bilateral stimulation) and why it can help with earlier "miswiring"
Why self-help + talk therapy can hit a ceiling (prefrontal cortex vs deeper trauma wiring)
Nervous system basics for young adults: "I'm safe now, I have choices now"
Addiction through a trauma lens (moving past "bad choice" framing)
Gender socialization and emotions: why many men weren't taught emotional language
Trauma + neurodivergence: adapting tools to how a person's brain works (more/less stimulation, sensory fit)
Fight/flight/freeze/fawn explained—plus how to come out of freeze faster
Green flags vs red flags in therapists + how to advocate for collaboration
About Maggie McCane, LCSW
Maggie McCane is a trauma psychotherapist and the owner of Rehoboth Therapy and Wellness in Tucson, Arizona. Her practice focuses heavily on trauma treatment, including EMDR and intensive therapy formats, and is intentional about creating a space where men feel safe and supported in therapy as well.
Where to find Maggie / Rehoboth Therapy and Wellness
Social media: TikTok, Instagram, Facebook — Rehoboth Therapy and Wellness
Website: Rehoboth Therapy and Wellness (site includes blogs/resources)
Guided journal: The Therapeutic Journey (a resourced guided journal with prompts + recommended resources)

If you're an ADHD (or neurodivergent) creative with a zillion ideas and not enough follow-through, this episode of Adulting With Autism puts language and tools to what's really happening—without shaming you for it.
April welcomes Sarah DeGrave, a certified ADHD coach who works one-on-one with clients on everything from daily task follow-through to big "what am I doing with my life?" questions. Sarah is also a professional actor and singer (musical theater + theater), and she shares why ADHD is so common in creative communities—and how the same brain that generates brilliant ideas can also struggle with consistency, structure, and finishing self-led projects.
They talk about the strengths creatives often overlook (like risk tolerance and rapid idea generation), why so many artists try to force themselves into systems that don't fit (hello, shame + "why can't I just do it?"), and what actually helps when you're stuck in an overthinking spiral: identifying perfectionism, lowering the cognitive load, and learning the difference between what's truly a problem vs what your brain thinks is a problem.
A standout theme: structure doesn't have to kill creativity. For many ADHD creatives, the most sustainable "structure" starts with environment and nervous system support, not a perfect planner.
Sarah also reframes "adulting" in a way that's especially helpful for artists building a creative life on their own terms: focus on non-negotiables, define what "thriving" looks like for you, and let the "TV fantasy" standards go.
In this episode, you'll hear:
What an ADHD coach actually does (and what coaching can help with)
ADHD in creatives: why it's common in theater + art communities
Strengths ADHD creatives overlook: risk tolerance + idea generation
Common struggle points: consistency, self-led projects, finishing, networking/relationships
How Sarah combined theater + singing + coaching into one meaningful career path
"Is this my style or my shame talking?" (and how to tell)
Building structure without crushing creativity: reduce cognitive load first
Why planning often fails as a starting point (and what to do instead)
Overthinking, perfectionism, and rejection sensitivity: what's underneath avoidance
First steps for "too many ideas": radical honesty + realistic support
Adulting redefined for neurodivergent creatives: feed yourself, pay bills, meet non-negotiables—ramen counts
About Sarah DeGrave
Sarah DeGrave is a certified ADHD coach and professional actor/singer who supports creatives (including women, queer, and neurodivergent artists) in clarifying goals, reducing shame-driven patterns, and building sustainable systems that fit real brains—not imaginary "perfect adult" ones.
Where to find Sarah
Website: saradegravecoaching.com
Instagram: @saradegravecoaching (DMs open; she's there even if posting isn't her brain's favorite)

What if "adulting" isn't a checklist—house, job title, perfect routine—but simply learning how you work and building a life that supports it?
In this episode of Adulting With Autism, April talks with Nicole Farrell, a nonprofit funding & development consultant who runs Rubber City Development Consulting. Nicole shares how receiving a dual diagnosis of ADHD + autism at 25 helped her finally understand why school, schedules, and "normal" work systems felt impossible—and why entrepreneurship became the most regulating option for her nervous system.
Nicole's work spans nonprofits at every size, from brand-new orgs to a national nonprofit with a $35M/year budget, and she's deeply involved in community volunteering (Boys & Girls Club, PBS, 4‑H, multiple boards). She's also honest about what's messy behind the scenes: masking in business settings, executive function "systems" that are basically notebooks + whiteboards + a calendar, and an inbox that's… extremely ADHD.
This conversation tackles the stuff people don't say out loud: the cost of forcing yourself into rigid systems, the grief and relief of late diagnosis (especially for women), why "independence" can still feel miserable, and how money management is different when you've grown up poor—and when your income changes.
It's also a practical episode: Nicole shares concrete habits that help her create stability and protect income, plus encouragement for listeners who feel "behind" (living with family, needing more support, still figuring it out). One of the biggest takeaways: there is no timeline—and "adulthood" as portrayed by TV is basically fiction.
In this episode, you'll hear:
Who Nicole is: nonprofit funding/development consultant + community volunteer (and new horse-stable owner)
Diagnosed with autism + ADHD at 25: why gifted girls often get missed until it all falls apart later
Why entrepreneurship helped: choosing how and when to work (and working from the beach when needed)
How to stop forcing yourself into systems that aren't built for neurodivergent people
Independence in your 20s: "I did the apartment + job…and I was still miserable"
Feeling behind: why there's no set timeline, especially in today's economy
Workplace advocacy: requesting accommodations (and a reminder about ADA rights in the U.S.)
Executive function systems Nicole actually uses: notebooks, whiteboards, and a calendar she trusts with her life
Masking in business: why it's exhausting, why it still happens, and how to reduce burnout with intentional recovery time
Money shifts: going from poverty to high income, and donating locally as an ethical anchor
Side hustles and experiments: permission to try things without treating them as permanent (plus a cautionary tale about a cat café)
"Adulthood is a falsehood": keeping your whimsy and accepting you'll never have all the answers
About Nicole Farrell
Nicole Farrell runs Rubber City Development Consulting, supporting nonprofits with funding and development strategy. She also mentors aspiring business owners (especially women and marginalized folks) and advocates for building work around neurodivergent strengths instead of forcing neurodivergent people into rigid systems.
Where to find Nicole
Instagram / TikTok: @nicolewritesstuff
Website: RubberCityDevelopmentConsulting.com
Email: [email protected]
Facebook: Rubber City
(Coming relaunch) Personal site: NicoleEFerrell.com

Adulting when your brain is "spicy" and life is messy isn't about having the house, the car, or the perfect routine—it's about learning how to work with your nervous system, not against it.
In this episode of Adulting With Autism, April sits down with Tina Estrella (also introduced as Tina Strayer), a certified EK (Existential Kink) coach and "flow state management" coach whose work is closely related to Internal Family Systems (parts work)—with a more playful, "juicy," body-based approach.
Tina shares her own story of being misdiagnosed in the era when autism/ADHD (especially in women) wasn't "on the menu," and how re-framing her experience through an ADHD / neurodivergent lens has helped everything click into place.
Together, they unpack what "kink" means outside of media stereotypes, how hidden pleasure patterns can show up inside self-sabotage loops, and why the goal isn't to eliminate anxiety—it's to stop rejecting it and learn to make it an ally.
This episode is full of practical distinctions (intuition vs fear vs nervous system overload), re-frames for shame and the inner critic, and a simple first step when you catch yourself spiraling: step back and breathe, then question the story running in your mind.
In this episode, you'll hear:
Tina's journey: misdiagnosis → self-understanding through neurodivergence/ADHD
What "Existential Kink" actually means (and why it's not just about sex)
"Radical approval": why rejecting anxiety keeps it stuck
Turning anxiety into clarity by creating distance: "I'm not anxiety—I'm experiencing anxiety"
How to tell intuition (calm knowing) from fear (tense urgency) and overload (too activated to choose well)
Shame + inner critic: what they're trying to protect, and how to work with them
Self-sabotage + "hidden pleasure patterns" (video games/TV/scrolling): when soothing becomes avoidance
What "flow state management" is and why it matters for neurodivergent adults
"Dream team" parts work: coaching inner chaos instead of trying to exile it
How to recognize you're about to abandon yourself (the loop + the heavy fog)
The first thing to do in a spiral: breathe + question the narrative
What real transformation looks like: reacting differently and being okay with still being a "hot mess"
About Tina Estrella
Tina Estrella is a certified EK coach who blends existential kink concepts with parts-work-inspired coaching and nervous-system awareness. She supports clients in building self-trust, reducing shame cycles, and learning to navigate anxiety and inner chaos without forcing themselves into an unrealistic "perfect adult" mold.
Where to find Tina (and her new podcast)
Socials: YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook
Search "Tina Estrella" or "Flowstate manager, Tina"
Podcast: No Safe Word in Real Life (currently on YouTube and Spotify)
Website (as stated): tinastreeya.com

Change is hard—especially when you're autistic, ADHD, burned out, or late-diagnosed and trying to "adult" with a nervous system that did not get the memo.
In this episode of Adulting With Autism, I'm joined by Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, Ph.D.—a Licensed Telehealth Psychologist serving Maryland and Washington, DC with over 30 years of clinical experience. Dr. Vanderhorst works with adults, couples, and families and uses evidence-based approaches including Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT)—all delivered through secure, HIPAA-compliant virtual sessions.
This conversation is a grounding, practical reset for anyone who feels stuck in their own head: we unpack why introducing change feels impossible, what "high-functioning anxiety" can look like in adulthood, how to get out of negative thought loops, and why grief isn't just about death—it's also about the life you thought you'd have, the energy you don't have anymore, and the version of you that had to survive.
And yes—she gives a simple, free starting point you can do today: download a feelings sheet and start naming what's happening inside you. Because in Dr. Vanderhorst's words (and honestly, she's not wrong): if you can name it, you own it. If you can't name it, it owns you.
In this episode, we talk about:
Where to start with personal growth (especially if you're overwhelmed)
Why change feels so hard (hint: it's not just you—it's human)
"High-functioning anxiety" in adults: how it shows up as avoidance, overthinking, and staying small
Outgrowing childhood coping skills—and how to tell when it's time to get help
A practical "brain dump" method for overthinkers and over-functioners
Gentle regulation during change (and why your nervous system needs a thermometer, not a lecture)
Grief beyond death: late diagnosis, burnout, lost expectations, and unnamed losses
Why our culture avoids grief—and how to recognize grief when it's hiding in your body
Resilience, meaning, and why healing happens in connection, not isolation
The "backpack of rocks" metaphor (and how to stop carrying what isn't yours)
About Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, Ph.D.
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst is a licensed psychologist who provides telehealth therapy for Maryland and Washington, DC. She offers individual therapy for adults, online couples therapy and marriage counseling, and support for concerns like anxiety, depression, ADHD and executive functioning, trauma, relationship issues, family conflict, and performance anxiety. Her work is grounded in EFT and IFS and focuses on emotional growth, self-understanding, and healthier relationships.
Resources + How to connect with Dr. Vanderhorst
Website: DrVanderhorst.com
Free resource: Download the Feelings Sheet (under the site's Resources section)
Book: Read, Reflect, Respond – The 3 Rs of Growth and Change (available on Amazon)
Telehealth note: You must be physically located in Maryland or Washington, DC at the time of your appointment.