Adulting with Autism

Self-love isn't manicures, martinis, or "treat yourself" energy. And it's not a vibe. It's a practice.
In this episode of Adulting With Autism, Lulu Essey—speaker, mindset advisor, and executive creative director—breaks down what self-love actually means in real life: the refusal to abandon yourself. Lulu shares from lived experience, not theory: she's navigated severe bipolar disorder for over 30 years while building a high-level career, and she's still working with it daily.
We talk about why so many neurodivergent young adults second-guess themselves after spending years in environments that weren't built for them—and how rebuilding self-trust doesn't happen through a 30-day reset. Lulu teaches a nervous-system-friendly approach: micro moments of safety that compound over time, creating real emotional resilience without relying on performative confidence.
Lulu also shares her experience exploring ketamine treatment after medication changes stopped holding her through a severe downturn—and why self-advocacy is a core part of self-love. She's clear about doing this responsibly: work with your care team, don't make medication changes unsupervised, and research options while keeping your agency.
This is a grounded conversation about finding peace, building stability, and learning how to stay on your own team—even when life is throwing everything at you.
In this episode, we cover:
A real definition of self-love: "returning to self" and refusing to abandon yourself
Self-trust: quiet, grounded knowing—even when others disagree
Why "quick transformation" culture backfires (and what sustainable change looks like instead)
Signs of chronic dysregulation: racing mind, inability to settle, poor sleep, irritability, anxiety, appetite shifts
The micro-moments of safety reset: hand on heart
3 slow breaths (longer exhale than inhale)
feel feet on the ground
orient to the room (name what you can see/smell/touch)

The difference between intuition vs. fear (threat alarm vs. calm grounded clarity)
Performing confidence vs. real confidence (feedback stings—but doesn't collapse your self-worth)
"Regulate your nervous system" as a buzzword—Lulu's reframe: find calm, peace, stability
Small predictable anchors during big change: consistent wake time, making your bed, repeatable routines
The "space between": why change can feel worse before it feels better (unfamiliar ≠ dangerous)
Lulu's ketamine path: years of meds + ECT experience (and memory impact)
researching ketamine for treatment-resistant depression
advocating for herself when things escalated

Bridging science + intuition (and Western + Eastern approaches) through mindfulness and intentional practice
A simple way to "join your own team" this week: replace harsh self-talk with a slightly kinder thought
Find Lulu Essey:
Podcast: The Lulu Essey Podcast
YouTube: Lulu Essey
Instagram + TikTok: Lulu Essey
Website: luluessy.com (as stated)

What if the reason sex feels confusing, overwhelming, or shame-loaded isn't because you're "too much"… but because you were never taught how to be honest about what you want—especially with a neurodivergent nervous system?
In this episode of Adulting With Autism, Jocelyn Silva—sexual empowerment coach and sex educator—talks about healing sexual shame, building real intimacy, and learning what she calls relentless authenticity: telling the truth (even when it's uncomfortable) so your relationships can actually feel safe.
Jocelyn shares her own story: growing up deeply religious and carrying heavy sexual shame, then swinging hard in the opposite direction after leaving the church—reckless choices, dishonest patterns, and ultimately being caught in infidelity at 27. She describes that moment as a rock bottom that led her into Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), back into spirituality, and into a new framework: you can be sexually free and ethical—because intimacy doesn't work without integrity.
For autistic and ADHD listeners who've spent years masking—saying "yes" when you mean "no," people-pleasing to keep attachment, and feeling "high maintenance" for sensory needs—this conversation gives language and tools you can actually use. From "universal feeling words" and I-statements, to journaling, to somatic reconnection practices, Jocelyn makes it practical without pretending it's painless.
In this episode, we cover:
Sexual shame: how it forms (religion, culture, messaging) and how it shows up in adult relationships
The pendulum swing: why freedom without a framework can turn into self-abandonment
Infidelity as rupture—and how recovery can become a "living amends"
Neurodivergent intimacy: why honesty can be a strength (and also feel risky)
Attachment vs. authenticity (Gabor Maté): how masking starts in childhood and follows you into adulthood
How to separate what you want vs. what you were taught you should want ("Speak Your Desires" exercise)
What "relentless authenticity" looks like in real relationships: emotional regulation, emotional safety, distress tolerance
Communication tools that reduce blow-ups: Use language people can actually understand (not vague phrases)
I feel ___ when you ___ because ___

The "7 days of no lying" challenge (and a 24-hour repair rule if you slip)
Sensory needs without shame: there's no "universal" sex—needs are not burdens
First gentle reconnection step when you feel disconnected from your body: get naked, close your eyes, and slowly touch your body from toes up
How to tell the difference between "I don't want this" vs. "I want it but I'm scared/overwhelmed"
First step for self-betrayal patterns: journal it—tell yourself the truth first
Find Jocelyn Silva:
Website: jocelynsilva.com
Instagram: @iamjocelynsilva

What if your autistic or ADHD young adult could get support in the moment—without waiting for a therapist appointment, without a parent getting 100 calls a day, and without guilt that you "can't do enough"?
In this episode of Adulting With Autism, Josh Rosenfeld (neurodivergent technologist, former Zillow exec, longtime programmer) and Noell Vaughn (caregiver advocate and mom to a neurodivergent daughter) share what they're building: Always Here—a next-generation AI companion designed specifically for the neurodivergent community, with real guardrails and caregiver visibility.
Josh explains the origin story: a student asked him to create a voice bot that sounded like her for her autistic adult son—and the son opened up to what he called "robot mom." That moment turned into a mission: build an AI companion that can support neurodivergent people from young adulthood through the long term—especially when caregivers are exhausted, overwhelmed, or eventually gone.
Noell brings the caregiver reality check: in autism/ND caregiver groups, the most common fear is "What happens when I'm not here?" The second is burnout and guilt—trying to manage jobs, other kids, and care with not enough support, especially after 18–21 when services often drop off dramatically.
They break down how this works in real life: families can add known strategies, routines, and supports so the AI responds in a familiar way—while also drawing from neurodivergent coaching-informed frameworks when families don't know what to say or do next. There's also a caregiver dashboard that can include teachers, therapists, and care team members so strategies stay consistent across home and school (continuity of care).
Most importantly, they address the big fear with AI: safety. Always Here is built with robust guardrails, post-conversation analysis, and caregiver summaries/alerts—so support is more consistent than a human can be, but not a replacement for human connection.
In this episode, we cover:
The "Robot Mom" moment that launched Always Here
Why caregivers' biggest fear is the future: care plans after parents are gone
Why the 18–21 transition is so hard: fewer supports, more responsibility, more burnout
What Always Here can do now: talk, text, "see," and support emotional regulation
Reducing overwhelm: forwarding repeated calls while still alerting caregivers for emergencies
Custom voices/roles: mom/dad, or even characters (Pokémon trainer, athlete) to increase engagement
Caregiver control: what the bot does/doesn't do, when it encourages calling a real parent
Continuity of care: teacher/therapist strategies reinforced at home via the dashboard
Independence supports: routines, reminders, calendars, environment cues (like lights)
Guardrails + monitoring + summaries: preventing risky AI dynamics and keeping parents in the loop
"Vibe coding" and rapid building: how Josh uses AI to build safely at scale—while avoiding feature creep
Pricing + access: why it's not a $5.99 app, plus scholarships and future partnerships (insurance, universities)
Pricing / access (as stated in the episode):
Currently building via cohorts + waiting list
Two-month trial mentioned
Cost discussed as $249/month (with group discounts potentially lower)
Scholarships planned as funding grows
Sign up / links mentioned:
Always Here waiting list: alwayshere.app
Free caregiver AI tools (GAPS): gaps.lovable.app (G-A-P-S)

What changes when sport becomes a vehicle for inclusion—on the course and in everyday life?
In this episode of Adulting With Autism, we're joined by Kyle Pease and his brother Brent Pease—a world-renowned push-assist racing duo, disability advocates, and co-founders of The Kyle Pease Foundation (KPF). Their journey has inspired audiences globally, including their historic accomplishment as the first brother team to complete the IRONMAN World Championship in Kona, Hawaii as a push-assist duo.
Kyle, born with cerebral palsy, has defied expectations through sport—completing 150+ races alongside Brent and using his platform to advocate for people with disabilities. Brent, a multi-sport athlete and endurance coach, leads KPF as Executive Director, expanding the foundation's work to support individuals with disabilities through adaptive sports equipment, mobility and medical support, scholarship opportunities, and awareness efforts—and pushing inclusion beyond athletics into the workplace through KPF's Inclusive Employment Program. (KPF's stated purpose is to create awareness and raise funds to promote success for persons with disabilities through sports and beyond.)
Together, Brent and Kyle share what it really takes to build a mission-driven organization rooted in lived experience—and how their work is helping change the narrative around disability, belonging, and opportunity. They also discuss how KPF partners with individuals and other nonprofits to provide support—especially for those who need adaptive sports equipment, mobility devices, or medical care—and why programs like Kyle Pease Kids aim to build inclusion early by empowering young athletes with disabilities alongside youth volunteers.
This conversation is about brotherhood, endurance, advocacy, and the kind of community support that helps people with disabilities not just participate—but thrive.
In this episode, we cover:
What "push-assist" racing is—and why it matters
Kyle's story: cerebral palsy, identity, resilience, and advocacy through sport
Brent's perspective: coaching, leadership, and building KPF's mission at scale
What it took to complete IRONMAN World Championship (Kona) together
How KPF supports people with disabilities through sports and beyond: adaptive sports equipment and mobility devices
medical support and scholarships
education/awareness around cerebral palsy and disability
inclusive employment initiatives

Why inclusion is a systems issue—not an inspiration story
The ripple effect: community, volunteers, and redefining what "athlete" means
Learn more / Connect:
The Kyle Pease Foundation (KPF): kylepeasefoundation.org
Programs mentioned: Inclusive Employment Program, Kyle Pease Kids

If you've ever thought, "Why didn't I see it?" or "Was it my fault?" after someone you depended on betrayed you—this episode puts language (and nervous-system logic) to what you're living.
In this episode of Adulting With Autism, Jason "Mr. Jay" Galvez, a Certified Betrayal Trauma Practitioner, explains why betrayal trauma is its own category of trauma—and why traditional support can "miss the mark" if it doesn't understand the attachment and dependency piece.
Mr. Jay defines betrayal trauma as trauma that comes from a primary attachment or dependency—a partner, spouse, parent, or even a job you rely on for security. He breaks down three reasons betrayal trauma hits differently: it gets personalized ("What's wrong with me?"), it's often lived in silence (a "secret society" where you don't get casseroles and sympathy), and it uniquely reshapes not just your present and future—but your past, because you start re-reading old memories, photos, and milestones through a new lens.
We also talk about betrayal blindness—how your nervous system can block the full truth to keep you functioning—and why that can turn into brutal self-judgment later ("I was so dumb"), even though it was a protective survival response.
Then we go practical: how betrayal can trigger self-betrayal loops, how to identify the core insecurities that betrayal hooks into (abandonment, rejection, "I'm unlovable"), and what helps rebuild your relationship with yourself—especially if you're still living in survival mode.
In this episode, we cover:
What a betrayal trauma practitioner does—and why this trauma is a specialty
What betrayal trauma is (dependency + attachment) and common examples (partner, family, job, even faith/body)
Why betrayal trauma is different: Personalization ("Was it me?")
Isolation/secret-keeping
It impacts past + present + future

Betrayal blindness: your nervous system's "blinders" and why it's protective (Little Red Riding Hood analogy)
How betrayal affects self-worth, self-esteem, and identity
The "self-betrayal" loop: when the pain attaches to old core wounds
How to find core insecurities: Write your inner child a letter (pen + paper)
Ask: "What was I judged for?" and drill down with "why"

Emotional expression as strength (especially for boys/men): "If you want to cry—be a man and cry."
Tools for hard conversations: the "When you…, I feel…, I'd prefer…" script
Why Mr. Jay pushes handwritten journaling (and his tip: try writing with your non-dominant hand to bypass filters)
His 90-day prompting journal ("From Tears to Transformation") and why the first 90 days are "acute"
For parents: how to invite teens in without power struggles (do it with them, use connection questions, "I need a hug—can I hug you?")
A gut-check for relationships (even online): How do I feel about me when I'm around this person?
Find Mr. Jay:
Website + free resources: mrjrelationshipcoach.com
Social media: daily "Vitamin J" tips (as he describes)