3 Mindset Shifts to Build Emotional Resilience | Shireen Rizvi and Jesse Finkelstein
When emotions clash with reason, clarity feels impossible. In this episode, AJ and Johnny sit down with psychologists Dr. Shireen Rizvi and Dr. Jesse Finkelstein — coauthors of Real Skills for Real Life — to explore how Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) turns emotional chaos into calm, actionable wisdom. They break down DBT’s balance of change and acceptance, show how to identify “skills deficits” behind recurring struggles, and reveal why mindfulness and emotional awareness are the foundation of resilience.
You’ll learn how to use DBT’s practical frameworks — including the Wise Mind and DEAR MAN skills — to strengthen communication, build emotional regulation, and handle difficult conversations without losing self-respect. Whether you’re negotiating at work, managing conflict, or simply trying to understand yourself better, this conversation gives you a playbook for thinking clearly and acting with intention — even under pressure.
What to Listen For[00:01:00] What DBT adds to traditional CBT — and why it works[00:02:28] The balance between change and acceptance in personal growth[00:05:06] Reframing emotional struggles as “skills deficits”[00:07:02] Breaking emotional loops and rewriting your story[00:10:28] Understanding “Wise Mind” — integrating logic and emotion[00:16:33] How emotion is data — not distraction[00:20:12] Using mindfulness to expand your perspective and reduce suffering[00:26:42] Building confidence through mastery and self-compassion[00:31:28] DBT frameworks for clarity in high-stakes conversations[00:33:46] Using DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST to communicate effectively[00:49:22] How self-respect, values, and truth create lasting confidence
A Word From Our Sponsors
Stop being over looked and unlock your X-Factor today at unlockyourxfactor.com
The very qualities that make you exceptional in your field are working against you socially. Visit the artofcharm.com/intel for a social intelligence assessment and discover exactly what's holding you back.
If you’ve put off organizing your finances, Monarch is for you. Use code CHARM at monarch.com in your browser for half off your first year.
Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns.
Grow your way - with Headway! Get started at makeheadway.com/CHARM and use my code CHARM for 25% off.
Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm.
Need to hire top talent—fast? Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm.
This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at mintmobile.com/charm
Save more than fifty percent on term life insurance at SELECTQUOTE.COM/CHARM TODAY to get started
Curious about your influence level?
Get your Influence Index Score today!
Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence.
Episode resources:
Real Skills for Real Life: A DBT Guide to Navigating Stress, Emotions, and Relationships
Check in with AJ and Johnny!
AJ on LinkedIn
Johnny on LinkedIn
AJ on Instagram
Johnny on Instagram
The Art of Charm on Instagram
The Art of Charm on YouTube
The Art of Charm on TikTok
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
--------
1:01:21
--------
1:01:21
The Intrigue Framework — Presence That Does the Talking
Ever wonder why some people light up a room the moment they walk in? That’s not luck — it’s aura. In this episode, AJ and Johnny unpack the science and strategy behind building an authentic magnetic presence. From making people feel good in your company to inviting them into your passions and showing up fully present, you’ll learn the repeatable steps that make others naturally gravitate toward you.
Drawing from behavioral psychology and emotional intelligence research, they share how to master attention, turn validation into connection, and transform your energy into influence. Whether you’re leading, dating, or networking, this episode gives you the blueprint for developing a presence that people remember — and want more of.
What to Listen For
[00:00:00] What “aura” really is — and how it’s built
[00:00:40] Why attention is the first step to influence
[00:01:16] Turning any attention — even negative — into opportunity
[00:02:08] The first pillar: make people feel good around you
[00:02:34] Science of emotional validation and active responding
[00:03:46] Emotional intelligence vs. being “just nice”
[00:05:10] How to respond when others struggle or fail
[00:06:08] Second pillar: invite people into your passions
[00:07:21] Why hosting beats talking — and builds closeness fast
[00:08:53] The “power of the invite” and how reciprocity builds aura
[00:09:43] Third pillar: presence is the new status signal
[00:10:50] The posture and body language that kill your aura
[00:11:42] Final recap: feel good, share passion, stay present
A Word From Our Sponsors
Stop being over looked and unlock your X-Factor today at unlockyourxfactor.com
The very qualities that make you exceptional in your field are working against you socially. Visit the artofcharm.com/intel for a social intelligence assessment and discover exactly what's holding you back.
Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns.
Grow your way - with Headway! Get started at makeheadway.com/CHARM and use my code CHARM for 25% off.
Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm.
Need to hire top talent—fast? Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm.
This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at mintmobile.com/charm
Save more than fifty percent on term life insurance at SELECTQUOTE.COM/CHARM TODAY to get started
Curious about your influence level?
Get your Influence Index Score today!
Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence.
Check in with AJ and Johnny!
AJ on LinkedIn
Johnny on LinkedIn
AJ on Instagram
Johnny on Instagram
The Art of Charm on Instagram
The Art of Charm on YouTube
The Art of Charm on TikTok
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
--------
14:01
--------
14:01
The Science of Courage and Fear | Ranjay Gulati
Why do only 9% of people and companies grow stronger during crises? According to Harvard Business School professor and author Ranjay Gulati, the answer isn’t intelligence—it’s courage. In this episode, AJ and Johnny unpack what it means to act in the face of fear, not in the absence of it.
Drawing from decades of research and Ranjay’s new book The Soul of Courage, the conversation explores why we’re hardwired to freeze under uncertainty, how the most courageous people “resource” themselves to act, and what separates bold leadership from reckless risk-taking. From stories of NASA pilots and nuclear engineers to everyday professionals stepping up under pressure, this episode is a masterclass in practical courage—how to develop it, share it, and lead with it when everything’s on the line.
What to Listen For
[00:01:38] Why 91% of companies retreat in recessions—and 9% win
[00:03:06] The psychology of “loss avoidance” and our addiction to safety
[00:05:00] The difference between risk and uncertainty—and why the brain freezes
[00:07:08] The Fear Equation: redefining courage as action in the face of fear
[00:08:44] The Stanford snake experiment and building a “can-do” mindset
[00:11:00] How domain mastery and belief from others fuel self-efficacy
[00:14:47] Bold vs. reckless: Aristotle’s timeless lesson on measured risk
[00:18:54] Courage is not a solo act: the importance of your “support squad”
[00:24:32] The link between deep purpose and enduring courage
[00:26:31] How to “act your way into knowing” when data is unclear
[00:30:03] The science of calm—rituals that regulate fear and focus
[00:33:05] Rewriting your personal story to unlock courage
[00:38:38] How charisma inspires collective courage in others
A Word From Our Sponsors
Stop being over looked and unlock your X-Factor today at unlockyourxfactor.com
The very qualities that make you exceptional in your field are working against you socially. Visit the artofcharm.com/intel for a social intelligence assessment and discover exactly what's holding you back.
If you’ve put off organizing your finances, Monarch is for you. Use code CHARM at monarch.com in your browser for half off your first year.
Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns.
Grow your way - with Headway! Get started at makeheadway.com/CHARM and use my code CHARM for 25% off.
Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm.
Need to hire top talent—fast? Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm.
This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at mintmobile.com/charm
Save more than fifty percent on term life insurance at SELECTQUOTE.COM/CHARM TODAY to get started
Curious about your influence level?
Get your Influence Index Score today!
Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence.
Episode resources:
RanjayGulati.com
How to Be Bold
Check in with AJ and Johnny!
AJ on LinkedIn
Johnny on LinkedIn
AJ on Instagram
Johnny on Instagram
The Art of Charm on Instagram
The Art of Charm on YouTube
The Art of Charm on TikTok
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
--------
43:13
--------
43:13
The Science of Courage and Fear | Ranjay Gulati
Why do only 9% of people and companies grow stronger during crises? According to Harvard Business School professor and author Ranjay Gulati, the answer isn’t intelligence—it’s courage. In this episode, AJ and Johnny unpack what it means to act in the face of fear, not in the absence of it.
Drawing from decades of research and Ranjay’s new book The Soul of Courage, the conversation explores why we’re hardwired to freeze under uncertainty, how the most courageous people “resource” themselves to act, and what separates bold leadership from reckless risk-taking. From stories of NASA pilots and nuclear engineers to everyday professionals stepping up under pressure, this episode is a masterclass in practical courage—how to develop it, share it, and lead with it when everything’s on the line.
What to Listen For
[00:01:38] Why 91% of companies retreat in recessions—and 9% win
[00:03:06] The psychology of “loss avoidance” and our addiction to safety
[00:05:00] The difference between risk and uncertainty—and why the brain freezes
[00:07:08] The Fear Equation: redefining courage as action in the face of fear
[00:08:44] The Stanford snake experiment and building a “can-do” mindset
[00:11:00] How domain mastery and belief from others fuel self-efficacy
[00:14:47] Bold vs. reckless: Aristotle’s timeless lesson on measured risk
[00:18:54] Courage is not a solo act: the importance of your “support squad”
[00:24:32] The link between deep purpose and enduring courage
[00:26:31] How to “act your way into knowing” when data is unclear
[00:30:03] The science of calm—rituals that regulate fear and focus
[00:33:05] Rewriting your personal story to unlock courage
[00:38:38] How charisma inspires collective courage in others
A Word From Our Sponsors
Stop being over looked and unlock your X-Factor today at unlockyourxfactor.com
The very qualities that make you exceptional in your field are working against you socially. Visit the artofcharm.com/intel for a social intelligence assessment and discover exactly what's holding you back.
If you’ve put off organizing your finances, Monarch is for you. Use code CHARM at monarch.com in your browser for half off your first year.
Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns.
Grow your way - with Headway! Get started at makeheadway.com/CHARM and use my code CHARM for 25% off.
Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm.
Need to hire top talent—fast? Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm.
This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at mintmobile.com/charm
Save more than fifty percent on term life insurance at SELECTQUOTE.COM/CHARM TODAY to get started
Curious about your influence level?
Get your Influence Index Score today!
Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence.
Episode resources:
RanjayGulati.com
How to Be Bold
Check in with AJ and Johnny!
AJ on LinkedIn
Johnny on LinkedIn
AJ on Instagram
Johnny on Instagram
The Art of Charm on Instagram
The Art of Charm on YouTube
The Art of Charm on TikTok
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
--------
50:53
--------
50:53
The Aura Effect: How to Make People Chase Your Vibe | Social Intel Brief
Ever wonder why some people light up a room the moment they walk in? That’s not luck — it’s aura. In this episode, AJ and Johnny unpack the science and strategy behind building an authentic magnetic presence. From making people feel good in your company to inviting them into your passions and showing up fully present, you’ll learn the repeatable steps that make others naturally gravitate toward you.
Drawing from behavioral psychology and emotional intelligence research, they share how to master attention, turn validation into connection, and transform your energy into influence. Whether you’re leading, dating, or networking, this episode gives you the blueprint for developing a presence that people remember — and want more of.
What to Listen For
[00:00:00] What “aura” really is — and how it’s built
[00:00:40] Why attention is the first step to influence
[00:01:16] Turning any attention — even negative — into opportunity
[00:02:08] The first pillar: make people feel good around you
[00:02:34] Science of emotional validation and active responding
[00:03:46] Emotional intelligence vs. being “just nice”
[00:05:10] How to respond when others struggle or fail
[00:06:08] Second pillar: invite people into your passions
[00:07:21] Why hosting beats talking — and builds closeness fast
[00:08:53] The “power of the invite” and how reciprocity builds aura
[00:09:43] Third pillar: presence is the new status signal
[00:10:50] The posture and body language that kill your aura
[00:11:42] Final recap: feel good, share passion, stay present
A Word From Our Sponsors
Stop being over looked and unlock your X-Factor today at unlockyourxfactor.com
The very qualities that make you exceptional in your field are working against you socially. Visit the artofcharm.com/intel for a social intelligence assessment and discover exactly what's holding you back.
Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns.
Grow your way - with Headway! Get started at makeheadway.com/CHARM and use my code CHARM for 25% off.
Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm.
Need to hire top talent—fast? Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm.
This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at mintmobile.com/charm
Save more than fifty percent on term life insurance at SELECTQUOTE.COM/CHARM TODAY to get started
Curious about your influence level?
Get your Influence Index Score today!
Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence.
Check in with AJ and Johnny!
AJ on LinkedIn
Johnny on LinkedIn
AJ on Instagram
Johnny on Instagram
The Art of Charm on Instagram
The Art of Charm on YouTube
The Art of Charm on TikTok
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
The Art of Charm is where self-motivated people, just like you, come to learn from the company’s coaches about to how to master human dynamics, relationships, and becoming your best self with the help of Johnny and AJ, the company’s founders. Johnny and AJ bring their 11 years of coaching experience from their famous Bootcamps, where they host clients in Los Angeles from all over the world and they share their stories, best practices and themselves on this weekly podcast. Not only does The Art of Charm help everyday people, including active members of the military, learn how to become higher performers, better spouses, partners, and coworkers, they dig deep into human behavior, the science behind it, and demystify what we do and why we do it.
France