Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

We all have patterns we can see clearly…and still can't seem to stop. Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how avoidance fuels these patterns, and how we can break the avoidance loop by updating our expectations and predictions about the future. They discuss what avoidance coping is, how the brain works as a prediction machine, why that means insight alone usually isn't enough to break a pattern, and what the current science of exposure and expectancy violation says about how change actually happens. 

This is the first of two episodes dedicated to this topic, the second will focus on how to brave our feared experiences and go from insight to action.

Key Topics:

00:00: Intro: avoidance coping and mental predictions

8:07: Five types of avoidance behaviors

17:35: The invisible cage

23:50: Predictive processing

29:49: Identity and high confidence predictions

34:30: How avoidance can perpetuate painful experiences

40:01: Exposure and the Inhibitory Learning Model

52:00: Answering common questions

56:07: Recap

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Forrest is joined by one of the world's leading happiness researchers, Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, to discuss the real secret to happiness: feeling loved. Dr. Lyubomirsky explains the key difference between being loved and feeling loved, why self-improvement (usually) isn’t the answer, and how giving love leads to getting love. They then walk through five mindsets that help people both get more love and feel more loved. Other topics include the vulnerability paradox, capitalization and the importance of enthusiasm, using the mindsets to evaluate our relationships, polyamory and non-monogamous love, and AI companions.

You can find Sonja's diagnostic quiz at howtofeelloved.com 

About our Guest: Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky is a Professor of Psychology at UC Riverside, and the author of a number of bestselling books including How to Feel Loved with Dr. Harry Reis. She is one of the most frequently cited well-being researchers in the world.

Key Topics:

0:00: Intro: connection as the key to happiness

2:31: The difference between being loved and feeling loved

6:58: What love is

9:09: If only beliefs and the vulnerability paradox

19:36: Mindsets to embrace if you're looking for more love and connection

23:26: The relationship “sea”saw

31:44: Five mindsets to embrace if you want to feel more loved

51:51: AI companionship, polyamory, and MDMA

1:08:03: Recap

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Last week, Dr. Rick and Forrest discussed why healthy conflict is a vital part of strong and intimate relationships. Today, they focus on the how-to of effective repair: what it looks like, why it’s so hard, and how to do it well. Together they walk through four common patterns of conflict, offering guidance on how to interrupt the cycle, turn down the heat, and get back on the same team. They offer tools such as compassionate curiosity, affectionate humor, and taking maximum reasonable responsibility. Finally, they discuss the personal benefits of healthy conflict and repair: when we have a new experience and truly take it in, we can learn that conflict doesn’t have to lead to disconnection, disappointment, or abandonment. 

Key Topics:

0:00: Intro and what healthy repair looks like

5:26: Red flag: the withdrawal of caring and compassionate curiosity

9:26: Initiating repair

12:24: Scenario 1: The "accidental argument"

21:10: Scenario 2: The chronic broken commitment

40:01: Scenario 3: The missed bid

1:01:38: Scenario 4: The “seeming” change in relationship

1:07:11: Taking in repair

1:16:23: Recap

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Most of us are pretty bad at conflict, usually because we weren’t taught how to handle it well. But healthy conflict can be one of the best ways to deepen intimacy and trust. In this episode Dr. Rick and Forrest discuss why conflict is so difficult, the models of conflict we inherit from childhood, healthy repair, what emotional flooding does to the brain and body during a fight, and the research on what actually predicts relationship success. They close with a handful of things that get mistaken for repair but aren't, including submission, thin apologies, and just solving the surface problem. 

Key Topics:

0:00: Intro

3:19: Repair as the biggest predictor of relationship success

5:29: Models of conflict and where they originate from

16:08: What is healthy repair, and why is it so hard?

24:54: What to do about emotional flooding

30:25: When to let things go, and when to address them

38:36: What repair is and what it's not

46:47: The power of authentic apologies

57:04: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

SponsorsVisit Rula.com/BEINGWELL to find affordable, high-quality therapy that’s actually covered by insurance.
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Forrest is joined by neurogastroenterologist Dr. Trisha Pasricha for a conversation about the gut-brain connection, including how gut health impacts our mood and mental health. Dr. Pasricha explains how the gut and the brain communicate, how early gut experiences can shape adult anxiety and depression, why GI symptoms are often misunderstood or dismissed, and what the research actually says about probiotics, leaky gut, and detoxification. They also discuss simple, evidence-based ways to improve gut health, dispelling social-media fueled myths along the way. 

About our guest: Dr. Tricia Pasricha is a physician-scientist at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, an assistant professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School, and columnist for the Washington Post. Her new book, You've Been Pooping All Wrong, explains the connection between your gut, your brain, and your mental health.

Key Topics:

0:00 Intro: what's neurogastroenterology?

5:48: Believing your patient

9:31: The lifelong impact of childhood gut issues

18:27: The relationship between the gut and the brain

23:20: The tiktokification of gut health information

30:56: Probiotics – do they help?

34:15: The microbiome

43:34: Advice to people with gut issues

46:21: What about cleanses?

55:52: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! ⁠If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.⁠

Sponsors

Go to ⁠Zocdoc.com/BEING⁠ to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.
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