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Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin | QCODE
Pillow Talks
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  • E226: Foreplay Frustrations: How to Get More (and Better) Foreplay
    Did you know that 64% of people say they want more foreplay than they currently get? And most people say they wish it was part of every sexual experience. No wonder foreplay frustrations are so common. Maybe it feels too short, too routine, or like your partner just doesn’t quite “get it.” The truth? Foreplay isn’t just a warm-up. It’s one of the most powerful ways to feel connected, build anticipation, and experience more pleasure (especially since only 10–15% of women orgasm from intercourse alone). 💛 In this episode, we cover: Does foreplay actually count as sex? How to ask for more foreplay without hurting your partner’s feelings. Types of foreplay beyond handjobs and BJs—like massage, sensory play, toys, and even “choreplay.” What to do when one of you wants more foreplay and the other wants less. How to talk about your fantasies without feeling awkward. Tips for breaking out of a foreplay rut and keeping it playful. What to do when your favorite turn-on is your partner’s turn-off. And yes… whether it’s okay to not really be into foreplay at all. Foreplay can (and should) be one of the most exciting and intimate parts of your sex life. And after this episode, you’ll have the tools to make it way more fun, connected, and satisfying for both of you. ✨ Want more foreplay inspiration? Check out our Ultimate Foreplay Guides. Next level techniques and step-by-step instructions, let’s just say, these guides are our #1 best-seller for a reason! ⁠Links & Resources 👉🏻 Get The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: http://vmtherapy.com/foreplay 👉🏻 A Survivor's Guide To Reclaiming Your Sex Life After Abuse here: https://vmtherapy.com/freebies 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ⏰ Timestamps 00:00 – Intro 10:54 – When your partner won’t give foreplay 18:25 – Tips for talking about foreplay 23:25 – Exploring different types of foreplay 31:00 – I want more foreplay, my partner wants less: finding middle ground 37:55 – How to start the conversation about foreplay 40:47 – How to mix things up in the bedroom 45:49 – I don’t want to give blowjobs, but my partner loves them 55:54 – Women who don’t like foreplay ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks ZocDoc. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and start book a top-rated doctor today. ➡︎https://zocdoc.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOWTALKS for 40% off! And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Live It Up. Use code PILLOW for 15% off your first Super Greens order! ➡︎https://letsliveitup.com/pillow 👏Thanks Audible. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial! ➡︎https://Audible.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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  • E225: The Truth About Sex and Aging: Menopause, Erectile Dysfunction, and Libido
    Aging is inevitable. But letting your sex life fade away? Nope. This week, we’re tackling one of our most requested topics ever: sex and aging. We’re answering your biggest questions about how intimacy shifts as the years go by: from libido changes, to navigating menopause, to keeping things hot. 💛 In this episode, we cover: How old is too old to have sex (spoiler: never) What to do if your libido and your partner’s don’t line up anymore Navigating perimenopause and helping your partner understand it’s not about them Feeling sexy in a body that doesn’t look like it did at 20 How to manage vaginal dryness, erectile changes, and shifting anatomy Creative ways to keep intimacy exciting even when it feels like you’ve “done it all” And you’ll also hear sweet (and funny) messages from listeners who say that sex in midlife and beyond is actually the best sex they’ve ever had. You’ll also hear some of our favorite messages from listeners in their 40s, 50s, 60s (and beyond!) about why sex actually gets freer, hotter, and more confident with age. Because here’s the thing: aging is inevitable. But a boring sex life? That’s optional. ✨ Ready to spice things up at any age? Our Ultimate Sex Guide is your roadmap to better intimacy. Inside, you’ll find: 42 step-by-step positions with illustrations, tips, and playful modifications A workbook + printable cards to track your favorites (and keep things exciting) Expert tips and troubleshooting for when sex doesn’t go as planned An audio version so you can get quick, shame-free guidance anytime Whether you’re looking for fresh inspiration or new ways to connect, The Ultimate Sex Guide will help you discover just how good sex can get! Check it out here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/ultimate Links & Resources  Get our sex positions playbook here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/ultimate E215  Mismatched Sex Drive Types: The #1 Reason Couples Struggle With Desire 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/episode215 E121 When She Wants It More: Navigating Mismatched Libidos When The Woman Has A Higher Drive 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/episode121 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! Timestamps  00:00 – Intro 03:38 – How old is too old to have sex? 11:12 – How does libido change with age? 16:22 – When does a drop in libido become a health concern? 19:18 – Navigating perimenopause with your partner 33:31 – Body image and aging 39:34 – Best sex positions for older couples 44:34 – Vaginal dryness and aging 46:18 – Does your labia shrink or change with age? 49:52 – How to keep your sex life exciting as you get older 54:03 – Trouble staying hard as you age ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Hungryroot. Use code pillow to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life➡︎https://Hungryroot.com/pillow 👏Thanks Chewy. Chewy has everything you need to keep your pet happy and healthy. You can save $20 on your first order and get free shipping!➡︎https://chewpanions.chewy.com/@vanessandxander 👏Thanks Cure. Use code PILLOW for 20% off your first order! ➡︎https://curehydration.com/pillow 👏Thanks MasterClass. Get an additional 15% off any annual membership ➡︎https://masterclass.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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  • E224: The Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys & Tools
    There is absolutely zero shame in using toys in the bedroom. In fact, they can be a game-changer for pleasure, intimacy, and just plain fun. Whether you’re curious about where to start, nervous about how your partner might react, or worried about your kids (or pets!) discovering your stash, we’re covering it all in today’s episode. We’re also sharing some of the funniest (and most relatable) real-life sex toy stories you sent us. Because if you’ve ever had a vibrator confiscated by your toddler or opened a box of anal beads in front of your in-laws, you are definitely not alone. 💛 Here’s what we’re diving into: The best starter toy for women How to talk to your partner about wanting to use toys (without hurting their feelings) Whether orgasms feel different with a toy Why it’s totally normal if toys aren’t your thing Talking to men about male sex toys Using toys solo vs. with a partner How often to use toys (and why your partner should never “hand you off” to one) The best ways to store your toys so kids or family don’t stumble across them Hilarious (and mortifying) real-life mishaps from our listeners If you’ve ever had questions about sex toys and tools or just want a good laugh at the stories we’ve collected — this one’s for you. Resources & Links: Our sex toy recommendations ➡️https://vmtherapy.com/recommended-products Episode 172 How to Bring Toys Into the The Bedroom Without Making it Weird ➡️https://vmtherapy.com/episode172 ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Sex toys are just one way to keep things fun and connected in your relationship. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, you’ll get: Expert-led guides and courses on intimacy, pleasure, and communication Two brand-new date night ideas every month (one cute, one sexy) Monthly live calls with us where you can ask us your questions directly Unlimited access to Vanessa AI — your 24/7 virtual sex + relationship coach A private, supportive community of couples working on the same goals Whether you’re brand-new to exploration in the bedroom or just looking for fresh ways to connect, Deeper gives you all the tools, tips, and real-talk support to make your relationship feel exciting again. 💛 Learn more at vmtherapy.com/deeper 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! Timestamps 00:00 – Intro 04:21 – Safety tips: What “For Novelty Use Only” really means 11:11 – Best beginner toy for women 19:24 – How to talk to your husband about toys (without hurting his feelings) 26:21 – Will your orgasm feel different with a toy? 29:03 – Is it normal to not enjoy toys? 30:26 – Can toys make pleasure harder without them? 37:57 – Male partners trying toys for the first time 43:48 – What if you only want to use toys solo (not with a partner)? 48:44 – Should you use toys every time? 53:50 – How to store toys discreetly 55:43 – Funny toy stories ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks OneSkin. Get 15% off OneSkin with the code PILLOW ➡︎https://www.oneskin.co/ 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOWTALKS for 40% off! And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair and skin with Blissy and use PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off ➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD 👏Thanks Audible. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial! ➡︎https://Audible.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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  • E223: Sex After Baby: Postpartum Sex, Intimacy & Desire
    The postpartum stage can be one of the hardest (and least talked about) seasons a couple will ever go through. Your relationship changes. Your body changes. Your sex life changes. And with all of that comes a swirl of feelings you might not have expected: Resentment toward your partner A crushing imbalance in the mental load Feeling “touched out” 24/7 Nervousness (or fear) about having sex again Worries about your body never feeling — or looking — the same The awkward, elephant-in-the-room disconnection that can build over months In this episode, we’re answering YOUR most personal, vulnerable questions about intimacy and connection after having kids — from being scared to get pregnant again, to changes in sensation, to finding your spark when you feel more like co-managers than romantic partners. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: Why being “cleared” for sex at 6 weeks doesn’t mean you have to be ready How to break the silence when it’s been months (or longer) since you’ve been intimate What to do if sex is painful after a tear or complicated delivery Navigating body image, “too loose” worries, and changes in arousal triggers How to reconnect when parenting has taken over every ounce of energy Advice for partners who struggle to see their spouse sexually after birth The most powerful way a partner can make a new mom feel truly seen, appreciated, and desired Whether you’re weeks postpartum or years down the road, this conversation is a reminder that you’re not broken, you’re not alone, and you can find your way back to each other. 👩‍👩‍👧 Raise safe, smart & shame-free kids — and build a lifetime of trust so you’re the one they turn to. From “Where do babies come from?” to “What does 69 mean?” 😳, Beyond the Birds & the Bees gives you the exact words to say in just 5–7 minutes per topic. A complete digital parenting tool-kit. Think bite-sized, age-by-age audio guides and real-life scripts make even the trickiest conversations easier — so your kids learn about sex, consent, identity, and relationships from you, not TikTok. Start today ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/kids 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Live It Up. Use code PILLOW for 15% off your first Super Greens order! ➡︎https://letsliveitup.com/pillow 👏Thanks Lola Blankets. Use code PILLOW and get 35% off your entire order. Experience the world’s #1 blanket with Lola Blankets.➡︎https://lolablankets.com/ 👏Thanks Hungryroot. Use code PILLOW to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life.  ➡︎https://hungryroot.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOWTALKS for 40% off! And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right here! ➡︎https://cozyearth.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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  • E222: The AI Girlfriend: How to Protect Your Relationship from Artificial Intimacy
    Imagine this: your partner sits you down and says they want to open your marriage… Not for a real-life person. But for their AI companion. Sounds like a Black Mirror episode, right? But it’s real. In today’s episode, we’re diving into the wild, complicated, and very real intersection of AI and relationships. From romantic connections with chatbots to emotional venting with AI companions, technology is evolving faster than most of us are prepared for. And it’s already showing up in our love lives in some unexpected (and sometimes unsettling) ways. Whether you’re curious, skeptical, or straight-up concerned, this is a conversation every couple needs to have. Here’s what we’re getting into: The Reddit story that left us both speechless (yes, he wants a throuple with his AI girlfriend 😳) Why saying “I don’t use AI” isn’t a real boundary anymore The emotional intimacy trap: how AI companions are starting to meet very human needs Why venting to AI can quietly erode real-life connection The most important questions to ask your partner now about tech, boundaries, and connection How to use AI intentionally to strengthen your relationship (not threaten it) Real-life examples of how AI can either divide or deepen your bond 🔗 Links + Resources How to Safeguard Your Relationship From AI We made you a free guide to help you have the talk about AI and your relationship. Download it here now 👉🏻 https://free.vmtherapy.com/ai 💬 Want even more support? Inside Deeper, our monthly membership, you get access to: Vanessa AI: a relationship-focused tool that’s trained NOT to cross boundaries Our entire library of core courses + guides on intimacy, sex, and relationships Monthly coaching calls with us and two date night ideas every month (one cute, one spicy 😉) 💛 Learn more at vmtherapy.com/deeper 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Audible Romance. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial. ➡︎https://audible.com/pillow 👏Thanks ZocDoc. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and start book a top-rated doctor today. ➡︎https://zocdoc.com/pillow 👏Thanks Blissy. Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS an additional 30% off when you shop. ➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD 👏Thanks Cure. Get 20% off your first order. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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À propos de Pillow Talks

Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!
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