What Fresh Hell: Parenting, Relationships, and Making Life Better, with Two Funny Moms

This episode includes discussion of rape and sexual assault.

As parents, we have been horrified by the reports of sexual violence on Cornell’s campus in 2024, and dismayed that so little seems to have changed since we were in college ourselves. How do we teach our children to protect themselves from sexual violence on campus? And how mad do we get to be at the institutions that still aren’t protecting them?

On this episode we interview violence prevention expert Meg Stone, executive director of IMPACT Boston and author of The Cost of Fear: Why Most Safety Advice is Sexist, and How We Can Stop Gender-Based Violence and Don’t Fight Back and 10 Other Myths About Crime, Personal Safety, and Gender-Based Violence.

This conversation explores why sexual violence is usually committed by someone the victim knows, why common safety advice can be both ineffective and victim-blaming, and what research says about empowerment-based prevention.

Meg also discusses practical skills, boundary setting, bystander responsibility, and the role parents and institutions can play—without placing responsibility for violence on those targeted.

We discuss:

Why the “stranger jumping out of the bushes” is a misleading picture of sexual violence

Why one-time online campus trainings often fail to change behavior

How victim-blaming has shaped conversations about sexual violence

What empowerment-based self-defense programs teach—and why practice matters

How stress can make it harder to respond in the moment

Why refusal skills and boundary setting can be protective

How friends, bystanders, and institutions can interrupt abuse

Where families can look for empowerment self-defense and comprehensive sex education

The conversation emphasizes practicing refusal and interruption under stress, bystander responsibility, and finding trainings via the Empowerment Self-Defense Alliance and the National Women’s Martial Arts Federation.

Here’s where you can find Meg Stone’s work and the resources mentioned:

Impact Boston: impactboston.org

Meg Stone: megstone.org

Empowerment Self-Defense Alliance: https://www.empowermentsd.org/

National Women’s Martial Arts Federation: https://nwmaf.org/

The Cost of Fear by Meg Stone

Don’t Fight Back and 10 Other Myths About Crime, Personal Safety, and Gender-Based Violence by Meg Stone

Sexual Citizens by Jennifer S. Hirsch and Shamus Khan

If you or someone you love has been impacted, help is available. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE or by texting "START" to 88788. RAINN's National Sexual Assault Hotline can be reached at 1-800-656-HOPE.

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What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

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Beth Gellman-Beer spent her whole career fighting for kids with disabilities — first as a student written off as “lazy,” then as a federal civil rights attorney who found her dream job protecting students like her younger self. But on one ordinary night, a phone call changed everything: Her entire office had been eliminated.

In the premiere of Zero Reject, reporter Anya Kamenetz traces Beth’s journey from an unfair fourth-grade classroom to the front lines of a sweeping overhaul at the Department of Education’s Office for Civil Rights — the agency families turn to when a school isn’t meeting their child’s needs. Anya breaks down the reduction in force that gutted OCR’s staff, what it means for the 25,000 families still waiting for a response to their complaints, and the plan to dismantle the Department of Education altogether. With fewer people to enforce the law, what happens to the students the system was built to protect?

https://lnk.to/zerorejectFD!whatfreshhell
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How do we handle conflict with those closest to us without damaging the relationship or going in circles? We discuss why some people avoid conflict while others escalate quickly, how our family of origin shapes the way we handle disagreements, and common triggers for starting conflicts.

We discuss:

What happens in the brain during conflict

Practical conflict-resolution strategies, including the EAR method and the BIFF method

Why sometimes the conflict is over before you’re done being angry and how to handle that

Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:

Aaron Steen and Kanade Shinkai for the International Journal of Women's Dermatology: Understanding individual and gender differences in conflict resolution: A critical leadership skill

Peter Reuell for the Harvard Gazette: Resolving conflict: Men vs. women

Danya Rumore for the University of Utah Environmental Dispute Resolution Program blog: The power of calm when dealing with conflict

Bill Eddy for the High Conflict Institute: How to Avoid Getting Hooked by High Conflict Behavior

Bill Eddy for the High Conflict Institute: Calming Upset People Fast with EAR

Bill Eddy for the High Conflict Institute: How To Write A BIFF Response®

Emily Pinto for Katie Couric Media: How To Handle Conflict Without Damaging Your Relationships

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
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This Deep Dive series revisits some of our previous episodes about dynamics with our parenting partners.

Do you feel like the odd parent out in your house? Or do your kids want only you to do everything with them all the time? A listener in ⁠our Facebook group⁠ asked:

"Is there an episode about one parent having a very different relationship with a child than the other parent? My 12yo and I seem to have a pretty functional (not perfect) relationship, but he and my hubs seem to end up arguing constantly. Thought at first it was a phase, but if it is, it’s a LOOOOONG one. Would love some perspective on this!"

Margaret and Amy discuss:

How preferential treatment plays out in younger vs. older kids

Why kids save their worst behavior for their primary caregiver

Which one of them is conflict-averse and who's conflict-attracted (one guess which is which)

Preferring one parent over the other can be developmentally appropriate, but there are times when ganging up on one parent can become too much and needs some course correction.

Links!

Our episode "⁠When Kids Prefer the Other Parent Over You (Or You Over Them)"⁠

Ryan C. Martin for McSweeney's: "⁠GOOD PARENTS CAPITALIZE ON THEIR INDIVIDUAL STRENGTHS. MY WIFE’S IS SEEING TO OUR KIDS’ EVERY NEED, AND MINE IS ROUGHHOUSING⁠"

Marni Feuerman for VeryWell Family: ⁠"How to Cope With Parenting Differences"⁠

Mariah Maddox for Motherly: ⁠"If your kids act differently with you than dad, you’re not imagining it"⁠

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if kids didn't need chore charts and constant supervision in order to participate in the lives of their households? What if the "mental load" was seen as a family-wide issue, where everyone could contribute to the solution?

Sam Kelly, creator of the "Notice and Do" method and author of the new book NOTICE AND DO: Raise Capable Kids, End Motherhood Burnout, and Lighten Your Mental Load, is here to tell us there's another way.

Amy and Sam discuss:

The "delegator trap"—why constantly assigning tasks keeps moms responsible for the "noticing"

Using a "learning ladder" to teach kids of all ages how to take over household tasks, step by step

Handling the pushback you might receive as you roll out the "notice and do" method

How kids who "notice and do" have agency and take initiative beyond the walls of your home

Here's where you can find Sam:

https://hellosamkelly.com

@samkelly_world on IG

Buy NOTICE AND DO: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063460911

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices